When a Child Refuses Visitation in California: What Parents Should Know

When your child refuses visitation with the other parent, it can place you in a difficult position. You may feel torn between your child’s wishes and a court-ordered visitation schedule. Court orders regarding custody and visitation are legally binding.  Failure to comply with such orders can carry serious consequences, including civil and criminal penalties.

What to Do If Your Child Resists Visitation

The Court expects each parent to make reasonable, good-faith efforts to facilitate the child’s relationship with the other parent. If your child expresses resistance or refusal to visit with other parent, the Court expects you to take proactive steps. You may benefit from taking the following actions:

1. Document Everything: Keep clear records of your efforts to comply with the court order and the reasons your child gives for refusing to visit.
2. Communicate Promptly: Notify the other parent and discuss the child’s refusal in a calm, non-confrontational manner. Notify them of the efforts you’re undertaking to comply with the orders.
3. Encourage Visitation: Provide reassurance to your child and remind them that maintaining a relationship with the other parent is important.
4. Avoid Negative Comments: The Court will consider whether a child’s refusal is due to one parent discouraging contact with the other parent. Even subtle criticism, frustration, or emotional comments can influence your child. As such, you must be mindful of how you speak about the other parent. 
5. Consider Counseling or Therapy: If this is a reoccurring issue, a neutral professional can help a child express and process their feelings about visitation in a safe, supportive setting.

Why Your Child May Resist Visitation

Many children have trouble adjusting to life after separation, especially as routines and family structures shift. Your child may be experiencing any of the following:

• Difficulty transitioning between households;
• Changes to their daily routine and a loss of consistency;
• Feeling pressure to “choose” between parents;
• Differences in parents’ household rules or communication styles; and
• Stress, anxiety, or lingering conflict between parents.

When Safety Concerns Are Involved

If your child’s reluctance seems to be based on fear, danger, or other safety-related issues, it is important to listen to your child’s concerns. When doing so, you must avoid asking leading questions and/or interrogating them. If you have safety concerns, you should consult with a family law attorney to discuss how to immediately modify the visitation orders to ensure your child is protected.

Mello & Pickering, LLP has helped parents and their children work out their child custody and child visitation matters in Palo Alto, Gilroy, Saratoga, Morgan Hill, Campbell, Los Altos, San Jose, Mountain View, Milpitas, Santa Clara, and Menlo Park, as well as in other cities in Santa Clara County. Mello & Pickering, LLP is conveniently located in San Jose, California. Please call us at (408) 288-7800 to schedule an initial consultation.